On the airplane on the ride in (I know this is a bit late but I keep forgetting to write this and I think it's funny enough to share) all the food wrappers had funny descriptions as follows:
The Tray Mat - A perilous task without praise. Any takers? We think, when they were handing out jobs, the Tray Mat was out to lunch. Talk about responsibility without reward. Just lie there and be a heat shield for the tray and don't let any food slip, ok? Food gets praised, tray gets thanked, everyone's happy, right? Wrong. What about the Tray Mat in between, taking the heat, keeping it tight?
So now we'd like to give the Tray Mat what it's wanted all along. A simple thank you. Without it, we'd have piping hot plates slipping all over shiny plastic food trays. It's reliable and trustworthy and we thank it. No, you know what, screw it, we love it man.
Pepper - Never as popular as salt, but pepper don't do popularity contests.
Salt - Pinch of salt. Salt of the Earth. All with a grain of salt. I've heard it all before.
Sugar - One teaspoon - Why isn't it a coffee spoon? Fortunately our hot beverage don't discriminate.
Napkin or tissue?
Blow your nose - tissue.
Wipe your mouth - napkin.
Wipe a tear - tissue.
Wipe your hands - napkin.
Stuff it up your sleeve for later - tissue.
Dab a ketchup stain - napkin.
Remove make up - tissue.
Clean a spill - napkin.
Clean your ear - tissue.
On your lap - napkin.
In your pocket - tissue.
Jot a phone number - napkin.
Write a song - napkin.
Write a love song - tissue.
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